Aviation World

National Events

Safety and Security of the Indian Aviation Industry 

Date: January 31, 2012

Venue: Le Meridian Hotel, New Delhi

Aviation Watch brings you an array of world class security equipment, technologies and software that are capable of securing every corner of the airport from the point one enters the airport perimeter, till the time one is seated in the aircraft. We also have our aviation experts giving us an analysis of the safety threats faced by us today, as well as solutions as to how make the aviation industry even safer. read more

Safety and Security of the Indian Aviation Industry : A Review

Date: June 22, 2011

Venue: 2nd Floor, Aviation Watch Auditorium, Hotel Shangri-La Eros Corporate Plaza, New Delhi

The explosive growth in the aviation sector is accompanied by an equally deadly increase in air mishaps and near-misses in Indian airspace. The past few months has seen an increase in fatal accidents in the aviation sector in India, including air ambulances...

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Steering Committee Meet

Date: January 5, 2011

Venue: 2nd Floor, Aviation Watch Auditorium, Hotel Shangri la Eros Corporate plaza, New Delhi

Meeting of some key stakeholders from the aviation industry to discuss issues related to aviation security, role of think-tanks and non-governmental institutions in enhancing aviation safety, identification of pertinent issues for aviation safety in India and the way forward.

Round Table on 'Safety & Security in Aviation in the current Economic Scenario'

Date: June 29, 2009

Venue: New Delhi

This round table focused on ongoing economic crisis which has thrown new challenges in Safety and Security due to cost –cutting measures by airlines. It also discussed possible causes of Crash of Air France Flight 447, the need for Training Programs for Air Traffic Controllers (ATCOs) to minimize Human Errors, Safety of Flight Operations in India during the Monsoons, with focus –on dealing with Wet Runways and Prevention of Aquaplaning and current threats to Civil Aviation and new initiatives in enhancing civil security.

Round Table on 'Safety and Security in the context of the industry downturn & Renewed Threat Perceptions'

Date: January 17, 2009

Venue: New Delhi

This round table focused on key issues related to aviation safety and security, the need for an independent regulator, consumer issues in aviation, private participation in aerodromes, impact of the global meltdown on safety & airlines, and the adequacy of pilot training facilities.

Leadership in Indian Aviation through Partnership

Date: August 21, 2008

Venue: New Delhi

Key issues discussed: Asia Pacific aviation partnerships- The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) experience and lessons learned - Aviation in India, the current state and the road ahead, The FAA India Bilateral Experience- making India secure through sufficient and quality aviation human resources.

Role of regulators in the Aviation industry

Date: July 24-27, 2008

Venue: Goa

In addition to the role of regulators, the conference included discussions on the impact of oil and gas, environmental policy, existing infrastructure and consumer issues on the growth of the aviation sector.

Indian Civil Aviation Strategic Issus – Series III

Date: March 25, 2008

Venue: Mumbai

This Aviation Watch initiative was supported by The Directorate General of Civil Aviation (DGCA). The conference focused on key issues arising from the rapid growth in the aviation sector. With more airlines operating in the Indian skies and air travel becoming more affordable, the infrastructure facilities at airports have remained inadequate. Passenger rights, insurance and product liability were also discussed at the conference.

Aviation Safety & Environment: the impact on Tourism & Development

Date: November 17, 2007

Venue: New Delhi

This conference focused on the status of development and up gradation of both international and domestic airports, aircraft ground handling infrastructure, air traffic control, ambulance services, emergency response preparedness, and threat perception capability.

Air Crash: Issues of Relief and Compensation to Victims and Families Legal, Medical, Technical, Insurance, Liabilities, Compensation and Relief

Date: August 31, 2007

Venue: New Delhi

This path – breaking conference, focusing on the implications of air crashes to the victims and their families, was the first of its kind to take place in India. This event brought together experts, both Indian and International, specializing n legal, medical, technical, insurance and other aspects of relief and compensation for air travel.

International Events

US – India Aviation Summit

Date: November 16-18, 2011

Venue: Taj Palace Hotel, New Delhi

Aviation Watch participated in the US – India Aviation Summit held on 16th to 18th November 2011 at Taj Palace Hotel, New Delhi.

View Summit Info.

Inauguration of Aviation Watch India's UK Office

Date:August 01, 2011

Venue: One Queen Anne’s Gate, Westminster, London SW1H 9BT

We launched our new London offices at No.1 Queen Anne’s Gate and these offices will also be serving as the European hub for Indian Eye Security and Global Energy Pvt Ltd.

The evening’s fun started at 7:00 pm sharp on Monday, August 1, 2011 with champagne and enticing Canapes. An enchanting evening of meeting some fine minds with some sparkling conversation and networking.

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In the Lounge

Aviation Jokes

• The Top Twenty Flight Advertising Slogans

  1. BadAir: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
  2. BadAir: We're Amtrak with wings.
  3. Join our frequent near-miss program.
  4. On flights, every section is a smoking section.
  5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
  6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin.
  7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
  8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
  9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
  10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.
  11. If you think it's so easy, get your own plane!
  12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
  13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
  14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street.
  15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
  16. Bring a bathing suit.
  17. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.
  18. That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.
  19. Fly BadAir and enjoy a free two-week hospital stay on us.
  20. BadAir: A real man lands where he wants to.

• Cabin Crew Humor

  From the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

  Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what you all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

  Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

• Pilots and pilotspeak

  One day a sweet young lady was conducting a study in to human sexual behaviour. She sat down to think and came to the conclusion that the best place to find participants for the survey would be the airport, as there was a wide range of different people going through. After about three hours of questioning passengers, she sees a pilot walking to his gate. Having heard of the reputation of pilots she stops him "Excuse me, Captain" she says, "I am doing a survey on human sexuality... I was wondering if you could answer a few questions...."

  The pilot agrees, and the young lady starts questioning him. Afterthree or four questions, she asks him "and when was the last time you had sex?" Straight away the Captain replies "1959". The girl was shocked... she looks at the captain and asks "1959 isn't that a long time ago?".

  "Oh" the pilot replies "I guess so .. but it's only 2015 now..."

• Aerial Photos

  A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the Wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

  "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes." "Why?" asked the nervous pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures." The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

• Were we shot down

  An airline pilot on a particularly tough flight had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He was as usual at the door saying it but in the light of his bad landing had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.

  Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

• Flight Attendant Humor

  "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane" "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

  From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

• Failing Engines

  A 747 is over flying the Pacific Ocean when the pilot comes over the intercom: "Folks, we've lost an engine. No cause for alarm because we can fly safely on three. We will, however, be two hours late in reaching our destination." About an hour later the pilot comes over the intercom: "We've lost another engine. No cause for alarm because we can fly safely on two. We will, however, be four hours late in reaching our destination." About an hour later the pilot comes over the intercom: "We've lost yet another engine. Still no cause for alarm because we can fly safely on one. We will, however, be eight hours late in reaching our destination."

  One annoyed passenger turned to the other one seated next to him and said, "If that fourth engine quits, we'll be up here all night!"

• Cold Beer

  During a particularly rough flight, the airliner pilot addresses his passengers: "The turbulence we passed through was rough, but we have passed that now. The rest of the flight is expected to be smooth." The pilot was unaware that his PA switch was stuck on, and leaned over to the co-pilot and said "Boy, was that rough! What I need now is a hot woman and a cold beer."

  A flight attendant in the rear of the aircraft heard this, and ran forward to warn the pilot. As she neared the cockpit, an elderly woman passenger stopped her saying "Don't forget the beer!"

• Flight Attendants

  A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on the horn, " Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal." Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

• A Blonde Joke

  A blonde has booked a flight on a plane and she sits down in first class, (which is not her seat). The air hostess is trying to get her to move out of her this seat, but the blonde replies, "I'm blonde, i'm beautiful and i can do what ever i want!!!! The air hostess gives up, and walks past to the pilot. He asks her if every thing is alright? The air hostess says, "Yes, but there's a blonde over there that won't sit in her seat in economy." The pilot says, "Oh, don't worry I've dealt with blondes before." So he walks over to the blonde, and whispers something in her ear. All of a sudden the blonde gets up and takes her seat in economy.

  Afterwards the air hostess asks the pilot, "How did you do it?" The pilot replied, "Well, i asked her where she was going and she said Melbourne, and I told her that first class wasn't going to Melbourne, it was going to Sydney."!!!!!!!!!

• Decide the best airlines

  Lufthansa Airlines

  Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".

  The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.

  "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane.

  After this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request.

  Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement:

  "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane.

  For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... -Thank You for Flying Lufthansa- ".

  Delta Airlines

  At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying,

  "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."

  So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.

  Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.

  Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank You for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."

  British Airways

  "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.

  The plane is currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."

  "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

  "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."

  "If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."

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